Disclaimer: This post is related to very inner side of the author and has some very personal emotions. So, those reading the blog just for fun should discontinue here.
Hello World!!! once again
By the way, I just remembered the importance of these two words "Hello world" for a computer programmer!!
But why am I blabbering?
Answer : Refer to the Title of this post..
Indeed I am confused.
Reason: Its my bad habit.
Even my best pal says that, that you will always remain tense, confused and unsatisfied in life.
I agree to him. But this is something that is not in my hand. Neither in my brain. What can I do??
I am a very ambitious person, and my biggest ambition in life is to do all that I am capable of doing, without wasting any of my resources, energy, time. And after that- attempting at all things that I feel I may not be capable of, because I think no one is perfect, or made for something guy, and trial and practice makes us better. Now this adds to the reason of my confusion, upsetting. I can't easily distinct between the two, and fail when I try to prioritize things in my life.
Again I started blabbering. But today's reason(s) of my upsetsare many is just one. I am feeling that today being in france, I am not making best out of what I can do, or could have done staying back at India. Here again many shall just call me insane. Because "Exchange is a covetous thing for which not every one is selected". But I ponder back upon the stakes and losses related. Please don't crunch your teeth, if you are feeling angry, because that type of feeling occurs sometimes to all (frequently to me, I am my own critic, love optimization). Now I am also currently unaware of the lurked treasures in this expedition of Exchange, though they are (for me) just myths; that may be true and may not be in some cases. But things I see behind me left untouched do pinch me a bit. Perhaps I am doubting my capabilities to perform in the future. But we all know that their are uncertainties attached with every damn thing in this world.
I am confused because I am confused for my future. I don't know where I want to go. I must do some thing to sort this our or I might explode.
I am also missing my IIT life. Again because of the reason I just stated above as the root cause of today's upsets. I am missing my friends, my Hostel Room (uncomfortable though it was, but had become my second home). With Rendezvous Culture sporing on its full this week in IIT, I am missing a bit of spice. With status messages of my friends in Delhi flooded with bashing rendezvous updates, at some corner of my heart I am feeling the pain of my absence in OAT. On the contrary, many of my friends there would love to change places with me. I am missing my classes, my professors and minors. The fun of bunking or dozing of in the classrooms. Here I have still not decided firmly on my courses ( which is also a source of tension to me... i m like a pareshaan sa penguin..), so I am bunking almost every second class here. But the tinge and excitement is missing. IIT mein labs mein fraud maarne ka apna hi majaa tha yarr. I am missing 'minors'. Though minor time was least welcome when I was there.
I am also missing the whole hustle bustle- of so many activities, RCA, BSA, BSP, management tasks- EES, Activity Head, Coordinators, Funde from seniors, Summer training applications, there was so much.
I am missing my home, my family. Its not that I don't miss them in Delhi. Because some of my confusions also keep on lingering in IIT life also. And that time I only wish for lap of my mother, and my father and presence of my sister, with all three giving me motivation. However, I feel that I am not able to receive the warmth I wish when they are actually there around. Either I fail to explain myself or they fail to understand me.
Manish to Manish : Now its time to control the emotions. Its just that you have felt so idle, half of which is because you are getting lazy, after a long period of time. Last 6 months have been very eventful for you, no doubt with many exciting, good and bad news, many moments of extreme happiness and some of extreme repent (Manish thinks again: the day when I saw my SGPA of 4th semester.) But it is the result of a mix-up of all those events that you are here. And it was you who made this decision finally, and you justified it after a thorough thought process. Moreover, this is just a matter of 4 month ( Manish thinking: not even four now, for which I again feel sad. Its by bad habit). After these four months you are back in the same culture for 1.5+1 year again (This last 1 yr si again going to pinch me very hard to come up with a similar blog). And finally, there are so many thing for the present also, just lurk out and remember what KATI said, live the European culture. Just see what you have and how you are a gainer and not what you don't have, what you lost and how you are a loser.
P.S.: I just began to write, thinking to end quickly in few minutes, but just realised that I have oceans full inside me that i can keep writing till any limit when it comes to retrospect myself. And also I realised that I missed an important rendezvous avec moi department responsable.. May God help me !!!
Hello World!!! once again
By the way, I just remembered the importance of these two words "Hello world" for a computer programmer!!
But why am I blabbering?
Answer : Refer to the Title of this post..
Indeed I am confused.
Reason: Its my bad habit.
Even my best pal says that, that you will always remain tense, confused and unsatisfied in life.
I agree to him. But this is something that is not in my hand. Neither in my brain. What can I do??
I am a very ambitious person, and my biggest ambition in life is to do all that I am capable of doing, without wasting any of my resources, energy, time. And after that- attempting at all things that I feel I may not be capable of, because I think no one is perfect, or made for something guy, and trial and practice makes us better. Now this adds to the reason of my confusion, upsetting. I can't easily distinct between the two, and fail when I try to prioritize things in my life.
Again I started blabbering. But today's reason(s) of my upsets
I am confused because I am confused for my future. I don't know where I want to go. I must do some thing to sort this our or I might explode.
I am also missing my IIT life. Again because of the reason I just stated above as the root cause of today's upsets. I am missing my friends, my Hostel Room (uncomfortable though it was, but had become my second home). With Rendezvous Culture sporing on its full this week in IIT, I am missing a bit of spice. With status messages of my friends in Delhi flooded with bashing rendezvous updates, at some corner of my heart I am feeling the pain of my absence in OAT. On the contrary, many of my friends there would love to change places with me. I am missing my classes, my professors and minors. The fun of bunking or dozing of in the classrooms. Here I have still not decided firmly on my courses ( which is also a source of tension to me... i m like a pareshaan sa penguin..), so I am bunking almost every second class here. But the tinge and excitement is missing. IIT mein labs mein fraud maarne ka apna hi majaa tha yarr. I am missing 'minors'. Though minor time was least welcome when I was there.
I am also missing the whole hustle bustle- of so many activities, RCA, BSA, BSP, management tasks- EES, Activity Head, Coordinators, Funde from seniors, Summer training applications, there was so much.
I am missing my home, my family. Its not that I don't miss them in Delhi. Because some of my confusions also keep on lingering in IIT life also. And that time I only wish for lap of my mother, and my father and presence of my sister, with all three giving me motivation. However, I feel that I am not able to receive the warmth I wish when they are actually there around. Either I fail to explain myself or they fail to understand me.
Manish to Manish : Now its time to control the emotions. Its just that you have felt so idle, half of which is because you are getting lazy, after a long period of time. Last 6 months have been very eventful for you, no doubt with many exciting, good and bad news, many moments of extreme happiness and some of extreme repent (Manish thinks again: the day when I saw my SGPA of 4th semester.) But it is the result of a mix-up of all those events that you are here. And it was you who made this decision finally, and you justified it after a thorough thought process. Moreover, this is just a matter of 4 month ( Manish thinking: not even four now, for which I again feel sad. Its by bad habit). After these four months you are back in the same culture for 1.5+1 year again (This last 1 yr si again going to pinch me very hard to come up with a similar blog). And finally, there are so many thing for the present also, just lurk out and remember what KATI said, live the European culture. Just see what you have and how you are a gainer and not what you don't have, what you lost and how you are a loser.
P.S.: I just began to write, thinking to end quickly in few minutes, but just realised that I have oceans full inside me that i can keep writing till any limit when it comes to retrospect myself. And also I realised that I missed an important rendezvous avec moi department responsable.. May God help me !!!
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